I always try to be confident, outspoken, funny and very easy going, most times i tend to ignore a lot of negativity that often comes my way. Its very easy to ignore negativity from a distance right!! This particular negativity was brought to my door steps a few days ago. This very post i had no intention of addressing but i woke up this morning feeling very inspired to address this issue of confidence.
On Monday morning, i heard a knock on my door! thinking it was a delivery upon opening the door, it was one of my Aunties i haven't seeing in over 4-5 years i was equally surprised to see her but i figured she had come to pay a visit to my uncle who is around visiting. Few minutes later i heard my uncle calling out for me i obviously went back to the sitting room and what happened next will shock you.
She (My aunt that came visiting) exclaimed '' oh my God Ese you have gotten so fat, i barely even recognised you! you use to be so pretty wow what have you done to yourself, you want men to see you and start running away from you. You have to fix this fat issue nobody likes fat people and please don't chase your bf away because you are not looking after yourself.''
I honestly had no words to say i was beyond shocked and very embarrassed, like if i didn't have any plans that Monday i would have locked myself in my room, i mean do not get me wrong i know i have put on weight and i am working really hard to get back to my previous size but hey she didn't have to speak so negatively to me without considering my emotions.
I know i have been rambling my apologies ok lets go to today's topic, ways to be confident being yourself. I will keep it pretty short and simple don't want to blab for too long.
1) ADAPT TO SITUATIONS
I have being in the presence of very different people, and i often find myself trying to fit into those different situations, for example if you hang out with your colleagues you are bound to keep your behaviour very mellow compared to when you hand out with your friends. I know for a fact when i am with my friends i probably annoy them a lot with how loud, crude i could be sometimes and at least i think I'm also very funny.
The point i am trying to make here is that i understand that during our everyday life, we meed a variety of people. Cab drivers, friends, colleagues, bosses, boyfriends, even mutual friends and the relationship we have with each one of them will be different. it is completely normal to be different as far as you are not trying to portray a person that you are not, always make sure your personality is jeopardised because you are trying to fit in.
2) EMBRACE YOUR FLAWS
One of the most important thing we have to learn when building our self confidence is to equally build our self esteem, i say this because if you have a great self esteem half the things that people tell us that make us sad will never have an impact on our self esteem. I hear this all the time '' you are very confident for a big girl'' it leaves me thinking I'm i not suppose to have confidence because i am big??
If i tell you sometimes i don't feel unhappy about certain aspects of my body then i will be lying, i am human and i have flaws, but the older i am getting the more i am starting to realise that if i don't love myself then how do i expect other to love me. Do not waste your time trying to please people that probably don't even care about you or apologising for your flaws because the people that matter will love you for who you are.
I promise you once you find yourself and truly love YOU then nobody will have the keys to your happiness, If people judge you based on your appearance then its obvious they have zero self esteem always be the best version of yourself.
3) ACCEPT YOUR PERSONALITY
The simple fact that you do things differently from others will be a problem to them, accepting yourself for who you are is very important, it is okay to act different because if we all acted the same way then there will be no variety to life right? i remember growing up and thinking i needed to change myself to fit i often realised i was making myself unhappy.
one day i decided you know fuck it, i am going to speak the way i know how to, if i have a Nigerian accent i couldn't care less as far i was understood when i spoke in English then it shouldn't be a problem. Being a false version of yourself is exhausting and totally not worth it, so be who you want to be , wear what you want to speak and speak exactly how you want to speak.
I'd love to also know your top tips and your thoughts on how to be confident being yourself, things you have also done to overcome some issues because these are personal issues and experiences so hearing your advice will be helpful. So please share!